What is this about?

I have to say that i really have left out my blog for a long long time,

and this time coming back here just to write down something

which bother me for quite a while.

there is something keep spinning in my thoughts on what is going on lately..

with a difficult and hard to explain feeling 

failed to handle it and express it

keeping to myself is not a solution

but even thou i say it all out

will that solve my problem

will that change me back to my own self 

??

asking myself

do i deserve this

especially how you treat me 

am i deserve to be treated nice

even when the relationship is complicated

well maybe its complicated for me not you

but how am i gonna handle it

what is your real purpose

or should i ask myself what am i thinking

am i thinking too much about this 

will i found a solution to this

??

twisted mind of mine had become

doesn't feels like its me anymore

who am i

which is the real me

who are you

why are you taking over me

making me feel so confuse

for the time I'm like this

after few minutes

it change to that

what had i become

why is this happening to me 

... 

reality and fantasy

true and false

real and fake

which is the one

i can't even get an answer

sometimes just hope that

i can stay in my dream

be the one without any worries

living happily and free

do whatever i want

get whatever i want

but in the end

when i woke up

I'm back to reality

how i wish its the same

reality and my dream

but its impossible

... 

hopefully this will end and i can have the life i want to

living without problems and worries

its just a simple life

why can't i have it ??